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What is this life?!  So I booked the best job!  It’s a Ridley Scott and company show about the Jet Propulsion Lab being started by a guy who practiced Aleister Crowleian sex magick in the 30’s and 40s.   I am playing the High Priestess of the cult.   My first scene is me naked, up on an altar, with men and women surrounding, kneeling and chanting.  So my first day of work I am on crutches and suffering severe fatigue that makes me cry.  I just had my Rituxan infusion and a huge IV bag of steroids.  I also had to get knee surgery in the middle of all this so I am on one leg.  I am terrified they are going to replace me and I desperately want to be on this show.  Can I please use Magick to make this as fun as it could be! I have never done a topless scene before so there is a little added sense of WTF!  Oh…it’s also International Women’s Day, hoorah for us!  

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Anyway, I stood for too long during the fitting and my bad leg swelled up so bad we had to stop the fitting….shit I am so getting fired.  On the day, they brought apple boxes to help me get onto the platform and take off my robe.  They brought a cane to lean on and took everything away after calling action and I balanced on one leg for the entire scene until they yelled CUT! and people rushed over so I could fall back and rest my leg.  HOLY JESUS this is hilarious if I wasn’t so nervous I wanted to cry but keeping up the happy face trying to act like it’s no big deal so they won’t freak out even more.  Oh and all this while trying to stand straight and suck in my tummy and try to look sexy so we can get a beautiful shot so all these peoples hard work isn’t for nothing.

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I think it all worked out in the end, I got home at 3am passed out.  I woke up the next day crying.  I had nightmares that I was on a freeway and my horse was in the median laying down and I couldn’t get him through the traffic.  I slept for 20 hours and cried twice.  But now, 2 days later, my mind is back.  I got up and opened the windows and doors in the drizzling rain and stood outside with loud music playing.  Just gotta get outta bed I think, and the fatigue will go away.  Stay positive.  Work at it. I am so happy to be working but it's intense.  I get another infusion monday and go back to work friday.  If I could just get my leg stronger I could probably deal with the infusion fatigue but man this is a lot on one leg!  

If you were wondering what Sex Magick is...  basically they believed that orgasm is the highest energy humans can create and they try to use it.  To direct that highest energy to bend the universe to your will.  It's pretty interesting stuff and also kind of gross.  I'll leave the research of the gross stuff to you you!  Try googling Aleister Crowley, Chaos Magick, The OTO, or the Golden Dawn.  Have fun kids!

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